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Post by cemilne on Mar 20, 2010 19:03:58 GMT -5
A man goes to his doctor for his physical and gets sent to the urologist as a precaution. When he gets there, he discovers the urologist is a very pretty female doctor.
The female doctor says, "I'm going to check your prostate today, but this new procedure is a little different from what you are probably used to. I want you to lie on your right side, bend your knees, then while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and say, '99' ".
The guy obeys and says,"99".
The doctor says, "Great". Now turn over on your left side and again, while repeat the check, take a deep breath and say, '99".
Again, the guy says, '99'."
The doctor said,"Very good. Now then, I want you to lie on your back with your knees raised slightly. I'm going to check your prostate with this hand, and with the other hand I'm going to hold on to your penis to keep it out of the way. Now take a deep breath and say, '99'.
The guy begins, "One .. Two ...Three".
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Post by dolphie on Mar 28, 2010 16:43:32 GMT -5
A little known fact.... The first testicular guard "Cup" was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
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Post by Tired in CV on Mar 28, 2010 22:25:08 GMT -5
A little known fact.... The first testicular guard "Cup" was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important. Quote: The first type of protective cups developed (testicular guard), and still available, are the flat-profiled cups, which are not contoured and often do not have the necessary volume to provide any real protection. Therefore, being quite useless in design, it must have been invented by a woman who was thinking well of her man and what was important to her the most! Thankfully, a man has since improved the design. Helmets, on the other hand, WERE invented by men and were actually used prior to the Roman dynasty in combat.
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Post by cemilne on Mar 29, 2010 11:04:15 GMT -5
How cold was it in Florida? How cold was it in Busch Gardens, FL, during the recent cold snap? In this instance, a picture is worth a 1,000 words! DAMN COLD!! Attachments:
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Post by cemilne on Mar 29, 2010 19:17:42 GMT -5
An elderly man suffered a massive heart attack. The family drove wildly to get him to the emergency room.
After what seemed like a very long wait, the ER Doctor appeared,wearing his scrubs and a long face. Sadly, he said, "I'm afraid he is brain-dead, but his heart is still beating."
"Oh, Dear God," cried his wife, her hands clasped against her cheeks with shock! "We've never had a Democrat in the family before!"
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Post by dolphie on Apr 12, 2010 21:47:37 GMT -5
Blonde Jokes
Three blondes died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter represented. The first blonde, an American, said "Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey." St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and wouldn't let her in. The second blonde, a Brit, said "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus' birth and exchange gifts." St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he wouldn't let her in either. The third blonde, a Canadian, said she knew what Easter was, and St. Peter said, "So, tell me. " She said, "Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with His disciples when He was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested Him. The Romans hung Him on the cross and eventually He died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very large boulder ... " St. Peter said, "Verrrrrry good." Then the blonde continued, "Now, every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of hockey." St. Peter fainted.
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Post by cemilne on Apr 17, 2010 20:56:12 GMT -5
A British passenger in a taxi in Dublin leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder.The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from the edge of the bridge over the Liffey River.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, ‘Be-Jesus, I’m sorry, but you scared the devil out of me.’
The frightened Brit apologized to the driver and said he didn’t realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten an Irishman so much.
The driver replied, ‘ Will the Saints in Heaven forgive me, it’s entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab…… I’ve been driving a hearse for the last 25 years.’
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Post by cemilne on Apr 17, 2010 20:58:06 GMT -5
Obama dies and finds himself before the Pearly Gates.
He is very excited; all his life he's had a secret wish and longed to meet the Prophet Mohammed.
Having arrived at the Gates of Heaven, Barack meets a man with a beard.
'Are you Mohammed?' he asks. 'No, my son. I am Peter. Mohammed is higher up.'
Peter then points to a ladder that rises into the clouds. Delighted that Mohammed should be higher than
Peter, Obama climbs the ladder in great strides, climbs through the clouds coming to a room where he meets another bearded man.
He asks again, 'Are you Mohammed?' 'No, I am Moses. Mohammed is higher still.'
Exhausted, but with a heart full of joy he climbs
the ladder yet again, he discovers an even larger room where he meets another man with a beard.
Full of hope, he asks again, 'Are you Mohammed?
'No, I am Jesus... You will find Mohammed higher up.' Mohammed higher than Jesus! Man! Obama can hardly contain his delight and climbs and climbs, ever higher.
Once again, he reaches a larger room where he meets a man with a beard and repeats his question:
'Are you Mohammed?' he gasps as he is, by now, totally out of breath from all his climbing.
'No, my son....I am Almighty God. But you look exhausted. Would you like a cup of coffee..?'
'Yes! please, my Lord'
God looks behind him, claps his hands and yells out:
'Hey Mohammed-- two coffees!'
Keep your trust in God; Your government has failed you miserably
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Post by cemilne on Apr 17, 2010 21:01:32 GMT -5
The danger of De-forestation. Attachments:
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Post by cemilne on Apr 20, 2010 10:18:38 GMT -5
CHINESE SICK LEAVE : 'I NO COME WORK TODAY!! Hung Chow calls into work and says, 'Hey, I no come work today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work.' The boss says, 'You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that.' Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. 'I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon.........You got nice house.'
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Post by cemilne on May 15, 2010 21:37:47 GMT -5
Childbirth at 65 Too good not to pass on, Enjoy !!! Another great one!
With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old friend of mine was able to give birth.. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to visit. 'May I see the new baby?' I asked 'Not yet ,' She said 'I'll make coffee and we can chat for a while first.' Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, 'May I see the new baby now?' 'No, not yet,' She said. After another few minutes had elapsed, I asked again, 'May I see the baby now?'
'No, not yet,' replied my friend. Growing very impatient, I asked, 'Well, when can I see the baby?'
'WHEN HE CRIES!' she told me. 'WHEN HE CRIES?' I demanded. 'Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?'
'BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM, O.K.?!!'
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Post by cemilne on May 15, 2010 21:38:31 GMT -5
Wife asks husband,
"How many women have you slept with?"
Husband proudly replies,
"Only you, Darling - With all the others, I was awake."
Hospital Visiting Hours are 10 am to 4 PM
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Post by Turk on May 23, 2010 16:46:57 GMT -5
As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB. I was quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams... To cover my embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me.
I looked up from my work and sheepishly said. . . ' I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?' She replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard . . .
' No doctor but the song you were whistling was . . .' I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener .'
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Post by animal on Jun 18, 2010 18:21:32 GMT -5
I'd just come out of the mall with a bucket of fried chicken, french fries, ice cream, large chips and a 12 pack.
A poor homeless man sat there and said, "I haven't eaten for two days."
I told him, "I wish I had your f***ing willpower."
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Post by Turk on Jun 23, 2010 0:53:02 GMT -5
All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name.
Example, the trade name is Tylenol and it's generic name is Acetaminophen.. Aleve is also called Naproxen.
Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen. The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.
After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin.
Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.
Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer..
It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.
Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'.
Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.
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