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Post by dolphie on Apr 13, 2010 18:37:30 GMT -5
Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman are out for a stroll in town one day. As they walk, they come across a sign: "Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world." "I am entering!" said Snow White. After half an hour she comes out and they ask her, "Well, how'd you do?" "First Place!" said Snow White. They continue walking and they see another sign: "Contest for the strongest man in the world." "I'm entering," says Superman. After half an hour, he returns and they ask him, "How did you make out?" "First place", answers Superman. "Did you ever doubt?" They continue walking and see yet another sign: "Contest, Who is the greatest liar in the world?" "I'm entering", says Pinocchio. After half an hour he returns with tears in his eyes. "What happened?" they asked."Who the hell is Nancy Pelosi?" asked Pinocchio
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Post by Floyd_R_Turbo on May 12, 2010 6:43:19 GMT -5
Finally ! An e-mail we CAN forward Subject: Don't forget next Saturday!!! WALK NAKED IN AMERICA DAY Don't forget to mark your calendars. As you may already know, it is a sin for a Muslim male to see any woman other than his wife naked and if he does, he must commit suicide. So next Saturday at 1 PM Eastern Time, all American women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists. Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort. All patriotic men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their houses to demonstrate their support for the women and to prove that they are not Muslim terrorist sympathizers. Since Islam also does not approve of alcohol, a cold 6-pack at your side is further proof of your patriotism. The American government appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists and applauds your participation in this anti-terrorist activity. God Bless America ! P.S.. It is your patriotic duty to inform others. If you don't send this to at least 1 person, you're a terrorist-sympathizing, lily-livered coward and are possibly aiding and abetting terrorists.
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Post by Turk on May 23, 2010 13:32:24 GMT -5
I really get upset when people come down on cops, saying that they do not care. Here is a story that shows that not all cops are in that category.
The Joplin , Mo. , Police Department reports finding a man's body last Saturday in Spring River near the Empire Electric Plant.. The dead man's name will not be released until his family has been notified.
The victim apparently drowned due to excessive beer consumption while visiting "someone" in Riverton , KS . He was wearing black fishnet stockings, a red garter belt, a pink G-string, a strap-on dildo, purple lipstick, and an Obama T-shirt.
The police removed the Obama T-shirt to spare his family any unnecessary embarrassment.
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Post by dolphie on Jun 17, 2010 14:27:33 GMT -5
NOMINATED THE BEST JOKE OF THE YEAR A Russian arrives in New York City as a new immigrant to the United States. He stops the first person he sees walking down the street and says, "Thank you Mr. American for letting me into this country, giving me housing, food stamps, free medical care, and a free education!" The passerby says, "You... are mistaken, I am a Mexican." The man goes on and encounters another passerby. "Thank you for having such a beautiful country here in America ." The person says, "I not American, I Vietnamese." The new arrival walks farther, and the next person he sees he stops, shakes his hand, and says, "Thank you for wonderful America ! That person puts up his hand and says, "I am from Middle East . I am not American." He finally sees a nice lady and asks, "Are you an American?" She says, "No, I am from Africa ." Puzzled, he asks her, "Where are all the Americans?" The African lady checks her watch and says, "Probably at work." www.patriotsinexile.us
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Post by Jack on Jul 12, 2010 20:32:27 GMT -5
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Post by dolphie on Jul 12, 2010 20:41:34 GMT -5
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Post by Tired in CV on Aug 5, 2010 4:03:08 GMT -5
Flying with Obama.
Obama looked at Oprah, ckled and said, “You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy.”
Oprah shrugged her shoulders and replied, “I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy.”
Michelle added, “That being the case, I could throw one hundred $10 billsout of the window and make a hundred people very happy.”
Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his co-pilot,
“Such big-shots back there. I could throw all of them out of the window and make 56 million people very, very happy!”
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Post by dolphie on Aug 5, 2010 14:17:10 GMT -5
Flying with Obama. Obama looked at Oprah, ckled and said, “You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy.” Oprah shrugged her shoulders and replied, “I could throw ten $100 bills out of the window and make ten people very happy.” Michelle added, “That being the case, I could throw one hundred $10 billsout of the window and make a hundred people very happy.” Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his co-pilot, “Such big-shots back there. I could throw all of them out of the window and make 56 million people very, very happy!”
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Post by NoMoSocialism on Sept 15, 2010 20:57:12 GMT -5
Q: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary?
A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers, and threats to society. The other is for housing prisoners --David Letterman
Q: What's the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo?
A: Bo has papers --Jimmy Kimmel
Q: What was the most positive result of the "Cash for Clunkers" program?
A: It took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road --David Letterman
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Post by Jack on Sept 15, 2010 21:19:22 GMT -5
Q: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary? A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers, and threats to society. The other is for housing prisoners --David Letterman Q: What's the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo? A: Bo has papers --Jimmy Kimmel Q: What was the most positive result of the "Cash for Clunkers" program? A: It took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road --David Letterman Welcome to the Message Board
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Post by Turk on Sept 16, 2010 20:53:50 GMT -5
Q: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary? A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers, and threats to society. The other is for housing prisoners --David Letterman Q: What's the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo? A: Bo has papers --Jimmy Kimmel Q: What was the most positive result of the "Cash for Clunkers" program? A: It took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road --David Letterman Oh boy, looks like you are off to a good start. +1 from me.
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Post by Turk on Sept 20, 2010 18:12:11 GMT -5
Q: What's the difference between Obama's cabinet and a penitentiary? A: One is filled with tax evaders, blackmailers, and threats to society. The other is for housing prisoners --David Letterman Q: What's the difference between Obama and his dog, Bo? A: Bo has papers --Jimmy Kimmel Q: What was the most positive result of the "Cash for Clunkers" program? A: It took 95% of the Obama bumper stickers off the road --David Letterman You are off to a good start, hope to see much more in the future.
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Post by dolphie on Feb 18, 2011 20:12:48 GMT -5
Having arrived at the Gates of Heaven, Barack Obama meets a man with a beard.
'Are you Mohammed?' he asks. 'No my son, I am St. Peter; Mohammed is higher up.' Peter then points to a ladder that rises into the clouds.
Delighted that Mohammed should be higher than St. Peter, Obama climbs the ladder in great strides, climbs up through the clouds and comes into a room where he meets another bearded man.
He asks again, 'Are you Mohammed? 'Why no he answers, ......I am Moses; Mohammed is higher still.'
Exhausted, but with a heart full of joy he climbs the ladder yet again, he discovers a larger room where he meets an angelic looking man with a beard. Full of hope, he asks again, 'Are you Mohammed? 'No, I am Jesus...You will find Mohammed higher up.'
Mohammed higher than Jesus! Man, oh man! Obama can hardly contain his delight and climbs and climbs ever higher. Once again, he reaches an even larger room where he meets this truly magnificent looking man with a silver white beard and once again repeats his question: 'Are you Mohammed?' he gasps as he is, by now, totally out of breath from all his climbing.
'No, my son.... I am Almighty God, the Alpha and the Omega, but, you look exhausted. Would you like a cup of coffee.?' '
Yes! Please!' As God looks behind him, he claps his hands and yells out: 'Hey Mohammed-- two coffees!'''
Keep your trust in God ....your government has let you down.
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Post by Turk on Aug 2, 2011 18:42:46 GMT -5
A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal.
Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu....
Tourist:$5.00
Broiled Missionary:$10.00
Fried Explorer:$15.00
Baked Democrat or Grilled Republican:$100.00
The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, "Why such a high price for the Politicians?"
The cook replied, "Have you ever tried to clean one?
They're so full of shit, it takes all morning."
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Post by Turk on Aug 5, 2011 19:52:43 GMT -5
Q. Why isn't TSA catching any terrorists?
A. They don't screen passengers on Air Force One.
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