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Post by CM on Feb 13, 2009 0:50:13 GMT -5
Three women were sitting in a bar, (a brunette, red head, and a blonde) they were all pregnant.
The brunette says, "I know what I'm going to have." The other to asked how. She replied, "well I was on top when I conceived so I will have a boy".
The red head said, "If that is true then I will have a girl because I was on the bottom when I conceived.
The blonde starts crying and orders another shot and starts screaming, "PUPPIES, PUPPIES!".
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Post by CM on Feb 13, 2009 0:53:13 GMT -5
Q. Did you hear about the new blonde paint? A. It's not real bright, but its cheap, and spreads easy.
Q. What did the blonde�s left leg say to her right leg? A. Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money.
Q. How does a blonde part their hair? A. By doing the splits.
Q. What did the blondes right leg say to the left leg? A. Nothing, they haven't met!
Q. Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink? A. Because that's where your supposed to wash vegetables.
Q. What's a blondes favorite nursery rhyme? A. Humpme Dumpme
Q. Why did the blonde like the car with a sunroof? A. More leg-room!
Q. Why don't blondes use vibrators? A. They chip their teeth.
Q. How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning? A. Fertilized
Q. Why do blondes like tilt steering? A. More headroom
Q. Why is a blonde like a doorknob? A. Because everyone gets a turn.
Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball? A. You can only fit 3 fingers in a bowling ball.
Q. What does a screen door and a blonde have in common? A. The more you bang it, the looser it gets!
Q. What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer? A. Frosted Flakes
Q. What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel? A. An airbag.
Q. How can you tell a blonde has had a bad day? A. She has a tampon tucked under her ear and she can't find her pencil.
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Post by CM on Feb 13, 2009 0:55:09 GMT -5
A blonde and a brunette are driving down the highway in a convertible. The brunette knows that she's speeding so she asks the blonde if there's a cop behind them. The blonde looks behind her and sees a cop and tells the brunette. The brunette then asks if his he's got his lights on. The blonde replies "Yes...No...Yes...No...Yes...No"
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Post by CM on Feb 21, 2009 18:17:25 GMT -5
A man was in his front yard mowing his grass when an attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house.
A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, 'Is Something wrong?' To which she replied, 'There certainly is!'
My stupid computer keeps saying, 'YOU'VE GOT MAIL!'
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Post by Jack on Mar 16, 2009 11:46:19 GMT -5
One day a blonde is hiking in the woods. She follows the trail until she comes upon a river. As she is thinking how she can get across the river; another blonde appears on the opposite side.
The blonde yells to the other blonde "How do I get over there?"
The other blonde looks up and down the river then yells back:
"You are over there!"
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Post by Tired in CV on Apr 11, 2009 5:10:01 GMT -5
Oklahoma RancherA blonde city girl marries an Oklahoma rancher. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Amy, 'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above the cow's stall in the barn. You show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?' The rancher leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him, 'This is the one right here.' The man, assuming he is dealing with an airhead blonde, asks, 'Tell me, little lady, 'cause I'm dying to know; how would YOU know this is the cow to be bred?' 'That's simple. By the nail over its stall,' Amy explains very confidently. Laughing rudely at her, the man says, 'And what, pray tell, is the nail for?' The blonde turns to walk away and says sweetly over her shoulder, 'I guess it's for you to hang your pants on.' ('Chalk up one for the Blonde!' . . It's nice to see a blonde winning one once in awhile.)
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Post by CM on Apr 20, 2009 22:29:08 GMT -5
Bob & The Blonde
Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?" Bob said, "You know, I bet he'll jump." The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't." Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death. The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob, saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money."
Bob replied, "I can't take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news, and so I knew he would jump." The blonde replied, "I did too, but didn't think he'd do it again."
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