CM
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Post by CM on Feb 9, 2009 13:59:24 GMT -5
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Post by Jack on Feb 10, 2009 17:37:51 GMT -5
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Post by Jack on Feb 10, 2009 17:41:32 GMT -5
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CM
Rookie
Posts: 0
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Post by CM on Feb 10, 2009 19:40:27 GMT -5
Revising 60's hits
Some of the artists of the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers.
They include:
Bobby Darin --- Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash.
Herman's Hermits --- Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker..
Ringo Starr --- I Get By With a Little Help From Depends.
The Bee Gees -- - How Can You Mend a Broken Hip.
Roberta Flack--- The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face.
Johnny Nash --- I Can't See Clearly Now.
Paul Simon--- Fifty Waysto Lose Your Liver.
The Commodores --- Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom.
Marvin Gaye --- Heard It Through the Grape Nuts.
Procol Harem--- A Whiter Shade of Hair.
Leo Sayer --- You Make Me Feel Like Napping.
The Temptations --- Papa's Got a Kidney Stone.
Abba--- Denture Queen.
Tony Orlando --- Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall.
Helen Reddy --- I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore.
Leslie Gore--- It's My Procedure, and I'll Cry If I Want To.
And Last but NOT least:
Willie Nelson --- On the Commode Again
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Post by Jack on Feb 11, 2009 12:27:24 GMT -5
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Post by Franken on Feb 11, 2009 19:45:27 GMT -5
Job at the FBI
The FBI had an opening for an assassin.
After all the background checks, interviews and the testing was done, there were 3 finalists.
Two men and a woman.
For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances.
Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair . . . Kill her!!'
The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.'
The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.'
The second man was given the same instructions.
He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes.
The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.'
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the Same instructions, to kill her husband.
She took the Gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.
'This gun is loaded with blanks' she said. 'I had to Beat him to death with the chair.'
MORAL: Women are crazy. Don't mess with them !
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Post by Jack on Feb 12, 2009 14:44:59 GMT -5
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Kim
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Posts: 10
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Post by Kim on Feb 12, 2009 16:18:39 GMT -5
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